I honestly never thought that losing you will break my heart so deeply. I remember when I complained so many times to my hubby and even to friends whenever we had disagreements. Even when you got sick, I never involved myself with those trivialities. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought that we will become so close that your death will have such an effect on me. Oh, I knew things will change in the house and all that, but I have never imagined that it will impact me so personally. that tears would so freely flow and dare not stop.
I had prayed for your recovery, I had prayed for your peace, I had prayed that God's will be done in your life, seeing how difficult life was becoming for you, but I never thought that when that day did come, I realized I wasn't ready, that I was willing to "serve" you one more day, just so you don't leave us.
But yeah, I knew how difficult life was becoming, as if it wasn't difficult enough as it was with your disease right at your heel. So, it is so difficult to pray for you, because I didn't know what to pray for. I just allow God to take care of you and may His will be done. If you are meant to be healed then God will allow it, if you are meant to go home to Him, then His will be done. I knew also how tired you are already and how you had wanted to go home already. So I knew that you going away is also something you have looked forward to. God is indeed good when He finally brought you home in His embrace.
But I realized, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to let you go, so it hurt, and it hurt a lot. I knew that the desire for you to stay was mine, even if you were hurting so bad, I still wanted you to stay, but yeah, God has finally granted your prayer, to stop the pain, give you rest. And even as I hurt, we hurt, we know that it was for you, when God finally decided to end your pain.
Rest in God's loving embrace Manang Beth. I will always cherish and keep you inside my heart.
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