Thoughts In Solitude

 I'm not certain where this thought will lead me, I'm not sure I want to go there, but sometimes you have to fight, even yourself, to get to where you need to be.  I have a thought that maybe I am depressed, that all of life's troubles has brought me to that place. I feel so stuck, and I really don't know where to go.  I was never rooted in my faith, it spirals from everywhere, but I want to take it where it needs to go so that I may really feel the presence of the Lord, and not doubt Him, in every way, when life throws me off balance I never automatically run to the Lord, I'm not sure He hears me or even if He is real. I have served our parish for half of my married life, held positions I'm not sure I'm worthy of, but tried my darndest to do the job given to me. I'm not sure if I did right by the parishioners, and by the parish but as I said. I tried my best.  I feel so alone, so lost, so out of it, and the person I considered my best friend, my husband...