Sometimes there are things in my head that needs clearing. Sometimes it pushes me so hard that I crumble.
Today I feel like everything is weighing down on me. My chest is heavy and everything seems to be ganging up on me. I just want to curl up and lie down and just let everything wash over me, if I succumb then so be it. I am so tired of playing this game, I am so tired of always having to fight, to struggle.
I feel like nothing is ever enough to bring me the safety I am looking for. Winning the lotto is such a stretch but I am praying that maybe God will smile upon me/us and help us get through all our financial struggle by allowing us that jackpot win, but yeah, that's still throwing rocks at the moon.
I am trying my best to earn some living through the internet, I have found some but of course, its not nearly enough, YET! So I am trying, and I hope that I make it sooner rather than later, cause my mental health is really suffering here and I am not sure I can stay afloat much longer.
I am learning to write again, allowing creative juices to flow but yeah its not really that easy, there's a learning curve to huddle over but I'm learning.
I'm re-learning to love myself. Something I haven't done for a long time, pushing myself further not for myself but for other people. I want to start travelling, alone or with my hubby, or with other people, it doesn't matter, what matter is I'm going and I'm going still.
I hope that in time my creative juices will flow and writing becomes easier again. That will make it all the better. I am a writer and that's not only passion but a living as well. Let's hope everything falls to it rightful place soon and I find that it is indeed worthy living
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